


Can't Look Away, Can't Look Away (Beg You to Stay, Beg You to Stay, Yeah)

by Huntress8611



Series: Whumptober 2019 [26]
Category: Constantine (TV), DCU
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Childhood Trauma, Cuddling & Snuggling, Day 26, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Forehead Kisses, Gen, Good Friend Chas Chandler, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, John Constantine Gets A Hug, John Constantine Needs A Hug, John Constantine Whump, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Chas Chandler, Whump, Whumptober, Whumptober 2019, abandoned, fear of being alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-04 06:36:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21193223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress8611/pseuds/Huntress8611
Summary: “John. John!”John bolted upright, well, he tried to at least, but he found that something was pinning his shoulders down. He panicked and lashed out at whatever was on top of him, trying to get away.“John, hey, it’s me,” he heard the thing say. “It’s me, it's just Chas.”





	Can't Look Away, Can't Look Away (Beg You to Stay, Beg You to Stay, Yeah)

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this work is from the song Teeth by 5 Seconds of Summer.
> 
> This work fills the square "Childhood Trauma" on my Bad Things Happen Bingo Card.
> 
> This work fills the prompt for Whumptober Day 26: Abandoned.

“John. John!”

John bolted upright, well, he tried to at least, but he found that something was pinning his shoulders down. He panicked and lashed out at whatever was on top of him, trying to get away.

“John, hey, it’s me,” he heard the thing say. “It’s me, it's just Chas.”

He paused for a second at that last part and really focused on the creature above him.

“Chas?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, John. It’s me, I’ve gotcha,” Chas replied.

Now that John had stopped struggling, Chas pulled him up into a sitting position.

“You okay?”

John flinched and shook his head. His heart was racing and everything felt  _ wrong _ .

“Alright,” Chas said soothingly. “Alright.”

He reached towards John, moving slowly to avoid startling him, and wrapped his arms around the smaller man. He kept his arms tight around him and leaned down to whisper in his ear.

“You’re safe, John. I’ve gotcha. It was a dream, it’s not happening right now. You’re okay, you’re okay,” he reassured, holding John for a while longer to make sure that the man wasn’t going to spiral any further if he let go for a moment.

A little bit later, Chas leaned away from John and moved off of his bed, intending to get a John a glass of water, but John grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip.

“Don’t-”

“Not going anywhere, John,” Chas said, spinning to face him again. “You’re alright. Do you think you’ll be okay for a minute so I can get you a glass of water?

“I-” John wasn’t sure how to respond. On one hand, a glass of water sounded amazing, but on the other hand, he  _ really _ didn’t want to be alone.

“John, look at me,” Chas said, tilting John’s chin up until he looked him in the eye. “I’m coming right back. I’m not leaving you. I’m going to get up, get you some water, and come back, do you understand?”

“Yeah,” John responded, his voice raspy.

“Alright. I’ll be back in five minutes or less, okay?”

John nodded and Chas quickly stood up and left to get the water.

_ He’s not leaving, he’s coming back, _ John reminded himself, managing not to panic the second Chas was out of sight.  _ He said five minutes or less, he’s not leaving. _

After a minute, John hugged his knees to his chest, reminding himself that Chas wasn’t leaving over and over. He tried his best to focus on that mantra, but he started to spiral anyway.

_ What if he doesn’t come back? Has it been five minutes? Did he leave? I don't want to be alone again, _ he thought, beginning to panic.

It only took Chas about four minutes, but when he got back, John was panicking. He set the cup on the nightstand and sat on the bed in front of John. John flinched back hard when he reached his hands out toward him, so he froze.

“John, it’s just me. Not gonna hurt you, not gonna leave.”

John looked up at him with fear-filled eyes and Chas reached out again, wrapping his arms around the smaller man and pulling him into his lap. He kept his arms tight around John’s chest and rested his chin on his head. John wrapped his arms around himself and sagged backward into Chas’ hold.

“This is so stupid,” he mumbled to himself.

“Not stupid, John,” Chas reminded him. They had some variation of this conversation every time John had a nightmare or panic attack.

John grumbled in response, not in the mood for another argument on the topic.

Chas reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the water, helping John drink some before setting it back down and returning to his previous position.

“What was it this time?” he asked softly.

John mumbled something, to quiet for Chas to hear.

“Hmm?”

“My father,” he said, barely audible. “My mother. Bloody killer, ‘s what I am.”

“You aren’t a killer, John,” Chas reminded him.

“Yeah I am,” he muttered. “Killed my mom, got Astra killed, ‘n I’ve gotten you killed multiple times.”

“John,” he sighed.

“It's true and you know it.”

“No, John. I just know that you won't believe anything I say on the first two. Maybe I can convince you on the last one, though.”

“Chas…”

“You aren't getting me killed, John. That's my choice, not yours. If I wasn't out here with you, I'd probably be running into burning buildings and saving people,” he said firmly.

“But-”

“No, John. I mean it, it isn't on you. It's my choice.”

“I just- I can't lose anyone else,” he whispered, ducking his head.

“I know,” Chas murmured, moving John so that he was curled up against him before holding his head against his chest, right above his heart. “Listen, John. I'm alive. You can hear my heart beating. I'm alive and I'm not planning on changing that anytime soon. I'm not leaving you.”

Chas heard John sniffle and choke on a sob. He tightened his grip and bent his knees up, trying to wrap around the smaller man as much as he could, wanting to reassure him that he was there.

“I'm right here,” he whispered, kissing the top of John's head. “I've got you, I swear.”

John pressed his face into the crook of Chas' neck and managed to wiggle around until he could get his arms wrapped around the other man. John held on to him as tightly as could, trying to reassure himself that Chas was still there.

Chas grabbed the edge of the blanket and pulled it over both of them, scooting down the headboard until he was lying with his head on the pillow while John’s head stayed pillowed on Chas’ chest.

“Better?” he asked softly,

“Little,” John replied. “Just- don’t leave me?”

“Never, John. Never.”


End file.
